Finally, a Final Fantasy 14 job made specifically for the type of person who likes to dual wield shields in Dark Souls! The latest FF14 fan festival is taking place, and with that has come a suite of announcements, including a reveal at one of the two new jobs coming as part of the next expansion, Evercold.
I spent most of last Saturday laid out in a Baku hotel room, muscles in both legs ground to flecks of useless meat by the decision to walk down a mountain when there was a perfectly good funicular right there. May this weekend be more fruitful, and less marred by the stupidity of trying to please a step counter that only truly cares about where its next battery charge is coming from. Ruinous silicone bastard.
In hindsight, I was a fool for meeting Denshattack’s satirical, irreverent, downright countercultural sensibilities with surprise. Upbeat, even goofy as it is for a train driving game, it shares more common ground with skateboarding games, and while the commodification of skater culture is certainly A Thing, few skaters have ever reapplied their asphalt-eating skills to bootlicking.
What remains striking, though, is how specifically '2026' Denshattack's targets are. The main baddies are a rogue big tech company, deploying all your current favourite social ills: enforced inequality, mass surveillance, misinformation-spewing talking heads, police violence, and soulless AI replacing true craft and skill. If only it did a bit on mass layoffs, it would have had a full set. You meet them with force, too, assembling a crew that resembles a Greatest Hits of Japanese normbreaker groups while repeatedly ramming your engine through those oppressive mechanisms at top-gear Skinkansen speeds.
The result is that Denshattack manages to have it both ways, being fully capable of stretching a daft grin across your face, yet possessing a radical heart that wards off the sense – and, indeed, accusations – that this is just an ironic bit of comedy train capering. Yet according to David Jaumandreu, game director at developers Undercoders, Denshattack was never consciously given a political voice – it simply emerged, logically and naturally, from its Japan being shaped as a more locomotive-mad version of the real one.
Marvel Tokon: Fighting Souls' pre-launch open beta has opened its doors today, July 24th. It's set to run until July 27th, so offers a chance to end your week with some superhero graps prior to the game's full launch early next month. Meanwhile, Arc System Works have revealed the first fighter set to arrive as part of Fighting Souls year one batch of post-launch DLC in autumn. It's Phoenix Cyclops.
Entertaining open world satire Future? No Thanks! has been abruptly delayed by Steam content reviewers, due to the presence of multiple seconds of "untextured polygons depicting ass and boobs". In a statement, developer Paulo "Molleindustria" Pedercini reveals that Valve's moderation teams have had the game under review for "more than three weeks", but have yet to make a call. Steamworks documentation suggests that content review should take no more than seven business days.
If I've learned anything from years of dark fantasy, it's that there's no force in this universe more terrible than a puny-looking girl with a kitchen knife. Just ask Katana Man, or the Queen of Hearts. Or the lolloping wolfbeast I've recently disembowelled in Rubinite, a pretty slick and engrossingly evil boss rush action game from Gameworks Ventures and Cup Dog Games, which is on sale today.
Duh, duh, duh. Duh, duh, de-duh. Duh, duh, duh. Duh, duh. That's how the riff to Deep Purple's tune about a fire burning down a Swiss casino goes. As with any riff, it's just a sequence of inputs you make on your instrument of choice. Usually, this would be a guitar. I've been trying to use the cat piano and singing gnome of jobbing composer sim Offbeat, which is out in early access today, July 22nd. Sadly, I don't think I've cracked it, but I have been having plenty of fun making funky jingles and wedding tunes.
